Saturday, March 20, 2010

The stupid questions people ask

When I went back to work for the first time after Jack was born, there were quite a few people who didnt even acknowledge that he had died, or that I had even been pregnant.

Some people said the usual 'sorry to hear what happened', others just said a simple 'glad to have you back'. But what baffled me the most was some people (1 person in particular) didnt say anything at all! They just pretended like I never went anywhere! I couldnt beleive it. I was really upset and angry. How could they pretend like nothing had happened? How could they ignore the fact that the last time they saw me I was 32 weeks pregnant? How could they ignore the fact that I hadnt been at work for the last 6 weeks? Had they not noticed, I dont think so!

Didnt say a thing! I am still baffled by this. I get that they may not have known what to say, but hell, a simple 'sorry' would have sufficed. I guess Im still kind of angry about it.

Anyway the other day at work one of my colleagues wife's rang to talk to her husband. Now she knows damn well what happened. I think when I came back to work and she rang for the first time since it had happened she said something along the lines of good to have you back.

Anyway the other day when she rang we were doing the usual 'hi how are you? good, whats news? Then she said the stupidest thing. She actually asked 'So, life's good?'

Why would you ask somebody who has lost a child if 'lifes good?'

I think I was dumbfounded for a moment and then I kind of sarcasticly said 'yeah, good'.

Has she forgotten that I lost my son less than 10 months ago? Does she think that because I am back at work and appear to be 'back to normal' on the outside that Im still not hurting on the inside? I just dont get it.

I guess I wouldnt call my life bad, but I wouldnt call it good either. It will never be good, it will just be. I dont really know what that means, but thats how I feel. I wish people would understand that when you lose a child you never stop thinking about them and what could have been. Whether its 1 month down the track or 10. And Im guessing it will be the same 10 years down the track.


  1. I think some people think that 10 months is a long time and by then we would have just forgotten or something.
    I am lucky (well thats not the right word but i dont know what else to call it) because i moved to a different state so no one knows me here so i dont really get people just ignoring the face that lost my babies. Less stupid unthoughtfull remarks.
    I know exactly what u r talking about with just being.

  2. Oh it is so, so difficult to hear those things and to sometimes not hear certain things. I know what you mean about people not saying anything. I have come to realize that not everyone knows what to say and there are just some people who are going to be uncomfortable around me. It makes me sad that sometimes when I walk into a room people actually look at me with nothing to say. I love talking to other babylost moms because you all understand. You know that we don't just get over the loss of our babies and that something will always be missing from our lives. ((HUGS))

  3. You are so right. It's so difficult to hear things and then it seems to hurt even more when they don't say anything at all. I've been back to work for a little over a month now and sometimes people just kind of stop and stare because they don't know what to say or they just haven't talked to me at all. I wish people understood more and I wish they never would think to ask those stupid questions. You are not alone and you have lots of people who "get it" here! I just wish everyone else got it too. (((HUGS)))

  4. I wonder if people ignore sometimes b/c they don't want to acknowledge that babies actually die. I'd sure like to know what these people are thinking.