Missing you heaps little buddy. I wish you were here.

It doesn't seem to get any easier, living without you. This pregnancy has brought back all the memories of when I was pregnant with you and all the hopes we had for you. And everything that we looked forward to doing with you. Like the birthday party that we went to at the animal farm last weekend. You would have loved it. Having a pony ride and patting all the little lambies. all i could think about was how much i wished you were here. i know daddy did too.

the Easter bunny comes this weekend and it would have been so much fun having an egg hunt with you. you would have been so cute running around in your pj's looking for eggs.

I wish you could be here with us.

I love you

Missing you...

Hey little baby,
Cant believe its been nearly 2 years since we lost you. We miss you so much everyday and think of you all the time. Theres so much we could have been doing together....you could have helped mummy plant some plants in the back yard today. And come with mummy and nanna up the hills where we had some lovely scones and jam, yummy. Tomorrow we are going down to the beach, its going to be beautiful weather, I will miss not being able to chase you around on the sand and make sand castles with you.

Your little brother or sister is due in July, 10 days after your due date. I know that you are looking after us and will help this baby make it safely to mummy and daddy. We are thinking of giving the baby Jack as a middle name if it is a boy, i hope you don't mind - I'm sure you wouldn't, I'm sure you will be very proud.

Ta ta for now, miss you to the moon and back x0x0x0x0x
Love mummy.

Last night we lost our little rainbow baby. I would have been 7 weeks today.
I still cant really believe it. There were signs that it was going to happen since last Friday, but you still try to stay positive and keep hopeful, but deep down you know.
Why must this happen?
Why must this happen to anyone?
Havent we already been through enough? When will we get our baby?

We have got a busy busy week coming up. Our friend who had the stomach cancer passed away last week, so we are flying to Tasmania for the funeral. I am not looking forward to it at all. I hate funerals. This will be the first funeral I have been to since Jack's. We are staying the one night and then coming home. I would have liked to stay a little longer as it will be my first trip down to Tassie but I am trying to save my holidays up for when bubba comes!

The other thing is we have to put the dogs in a kennel for the week, and I hate doing that. They stress out and I worry about them the whole time. I worry that they might escape since my male doggie is prone to destroying fences : (   But hopefull they should be ok.

Then I have got my doctors appointment tonight to confirm this pregnancy, I am 5 weeks tomorrow. And get a referal from him to my specialist.

Then we are off to a race meeting for a few days (in honour of our friend) and then finally we will be back home and we can collect the dogs from the kennel. I am already tired just thinking about it!

An update and some news..

Its been a while since I wrote anything I don't really know why. There has been a lot of stuff going on lately. One of our friends is very sick with stomach cancer and we are waiting for the call to say that his battle has ended. We went in to the hospital on the weekend to say our goodbyes and he promised to look after Jack for us. It was extremely hard. I just hope that he goes peacefully and is not suffering in any pain.

Jack's birthday turned out to be a lovely day, it was emotional but at the same time it felt good to be celebrating his birthday. We had lunch at the restaurant on top of the mountain with the beautiful views and luckily it was a sunny day so you could see right out to the city and across the bay.

I forgot to take my camera! I was so angry with myself, luckily Mum had hers, but I haven't had a chance yet to upload them onto my computer.

I did remember to take a picture of the cake though, it was delicious mud!

After lunch we released all the balloons while everyone who was enjoying the view on the mountain looked on.

We then went through a hedge maze with the kids (and big kids too) that was fun! It was really nice to spend the day with family and friends. If only Jack was there to see how much everyone loves and misses him. I'm sure he would have been looking down on us though.

So, a whole year is gone and it feels like just yesterday, its hard to believe that we would have a 1 year old now.

And as for the news that I have, well I am pregnant! We just found out yesterday and so far we have only told my SIL and best friend. We are going to tell our Mum's and that's pretty much it until 12 weeks. Oh and my brother and his fiance' they are getting married in August and next month I have to go to the Hen's party which is a winery tour and I'm sure they will notice that I'm not drinking!

I'm really scared about these first 12 weeks, I am really praying that nothing bad happens.

My due date is 22nd Feb 2010. I will be writing in more detail about my journey on my other blog (see link in the top right hand corner)

It hasn't really sunk in yet, it doesn't feel real. I guess when Ive seen the doctor and had a scan and all is well then I will believe it. But I am very thankful that it happened quickly and we haven't had to endure the months and months of trying that I know lots of people have to, so for that I am grateful. I'm trying not to get my hopes up just yet though, we have got a long way to go.